For the last few years, Christmas has been a rough time for me. The death of my mother in 2000 and of my father a year later, cast a pall on the holidays and reminders that I should feel "merry and bright" only served to intensify my sadness. As others looked forward to the lights, decorations, and Christmas carols, I felt only dread. I looked forward only to December 26, for the slow return of normalcy.
This year that veil of sorrow has finally begun to lift.
Our family is growing again as my children and their cousins are starting to marry and to have families of their own. The first to arrive was Cora, born to my oldest nephew and his wife. I've rediscovered that sharing Christmas morning with a toddler can soften the darkest spirit. Like all little ones her age, Cora's temperament is mercurial. One moment she is playful and happy. Within seconds the winds will change and her cries will break your heart. Watching her, despite these ups and downs, has been remedial. She reminds me of the same magic moments shared with my own toddlers and of how quickly they pass.
We are also looking forward to the birth of my son's first child, a little girl who was "due" on December 25th. Understandingly, we were somewhat apprehensive about her coming during the holidays but those feelings reached critical mass when an early snowstorm pounded our area before Christmas and brought the MD-DC-VA area to a standstill. Fortunately, our prayers that she would choose a later date to arrive have been answered favorably.
And so it is that the coming of one child and the anticipation of another has served to ease my seasonal unhappiness. I will never stop missing my parents, but the time has come at last, I think, to put the grief away, to stop and enjoy the Christmas lights.
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